Are you single and constantly thinking: “Why is it that I don’t have a man yet certain people just seem to hop (sometimes effortlessly) from one relationship to another?” Maybe it’s not the right time? Or maybe it is, but you keep practicing the wrong behaviors that always sum to the same result. Here are ten things that keep you single as shared by Paul Carrick Brunson in his book “Its Complicated” (that he has personally witnessed with his single female clients and friends)
1. You Hold On to Someone Who Isn’t Available There are many reasons someone may not be available to date. Is he separated or married? Perhaps he is living with his girlfriend? If you hold on to such a person, fully knowing that you have to share with someone else, you illustrate the lowest form of self-love, and that won’t get you where you want to go.
2. You Don’t Believe When He Tells You the Truth Many times, men will directly say their outlook on the relationship. They’ll say things like, “I’m not interested in anything serious” or “I don’t see myself getting married.” If you hear anything similar, don’t think you’re the one person who can and will change his perspective. Trust me; you can’t; you won’t. Moreover, you’ll just end up wasting your time and resources. You only have the power to change yourself.
3. Are you a Toxic Date? Toxic dates are the ones who complain all the time. They are the ones who always blame you. They may always turn things around to make it someone else’s fault. They overreact to bad events. If all of this sounds familiar, “they” could be you. Toxic people are a huge energy drain. No matter how outwardly attractive or successful someone is, toxicity just isn’t sexy.
4. You Don’t Believe In Love If you honestly think you are destined to live life alone, or you are with the thought that Michelle Obama married the “last good man on earth,” you’ll be right. Why? Because our belief is our reality.
5. You Do Nothing Differently My favorite question to ask prospective clients is: “How many dates have you gone on in the last two years?” Most answer “zero.” Then my second question is always, “Are you happy with your number?” Most say no. My final question is always, “What are you doing differently to change it?” Most say “nothing.” The bottom line is this: in every aspect of our life (inclding dating), we can’t do the same old thing and expect different results.
6. You Take Bad Advice from Friends and Family I have written a full chapter on this in my book. Your friends are not relationship experts. Your loved ones often give bad advice. It’s well meaning, but awful, dating advice because they aren’t objective. Plus, they aren’t therapists or dating experts.
7. You Commit Too Soon A top dating mistake that I see my clients make often is going from casually dating someone to exclusively dating that someone within a short period. This trend is a widespread issue. Why, because it takes a good amount of time to observe their values and it you also don’t know someone until you have witnessed them in a time of adversity.
8. You’re Lowering Your Standards to Compete If you are concerned that because there are “so many women” vying for the man you are interested in you must “compete” and do things, not within your value structure (like have sex earlier than planned), stop it. The moment you bend on your boundaries is the moment you begin to bully yourself.
9. You’re Adhering to Ultimatums Love is not selfish. Love doesn’t come with strings attached. If you have to give in to get him, get out.
10. Obsessing over “Your List.” Do you chase after preferences? (You know, like he must be 6-foot tall and have perfect teeth?) We all have preferences, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The problem is when we don’t secure our needs first. These are what I call in my book, “your relationship vitals” (values, personality type, non-starters, and attraction traits) and become obsessed with them opposed to what’s on a list of frills. Are you guilty of any of these too? Search yourself ladies and let’s act right!
1. You Hold On to Someone Who Isn’t Available There are many reasons someone may not be available to date. Is he separated or married? Perhaps he is living with his girlfriend? If you hold on to such a person, fully knowing that you have to share with someone else, you illustrate the lowest form of self-love, and that won’t get you where you want to go.
2. You Don’t Believe When He Tells You the Truth Many times, men will directly say their outlook on the relationship. They’ll say things like, “I’m not interested in anything serious” or “I don’t see myself getting married.” If you hear anything similar, don’t think you’re the one person who can and will change his perspective. Trust me; you can’t; you won’t. Moreover, you’ll just end up wasting your time and resources. You only have the power to change yourself.
3. Are you a Toxic Date? Toxic dates are the ones who complain all the time. They are the ones who always blame you. They may always turn things around to make it someone else’s fault. They overreact to bad events. If all of this sounds familiar, “they” could be you. Toxic people are a huge energy drain. No matter how outwardly attractive or successful someone is, toxicity just isn’t sexy.
4. You Don’t Believe In Love If you honestly think you are destined to live life alone, or you are with the thought that Michelle Obama married the “last good man on earth,” you’ll be right. Why? Because our belief is our reality.
5. You Do Nothing Differently My favorite question to ask prospective clients is: “How many dates have you gone on in the last two years?” Most answer “zero.” Then my second question is always, “Are you happy with your number?” Most say no. My final question is always, “What are you doing differently to change it?” Most say “nothing.” The bottom line is this: in every aspect of our life (inclding dating), we can’t do the same old thing and expect different results.
6. You Take Bad Advice from Friends and Family I have written a full chapter on this in my book. Your friends are not relationship experts. Your loved ones often give bad advice. It’s well meaning, but awful, dating advice because they aren’t objective. Plus, they aren’t therapists or dating experts.
7. You Commit Too Soon A top dating mistake that I see my clients make often is going from casually dating someone to exclusively dating that someone within a short period. This trend is a widespread issue. Why, because it takes a good amount of time to observe their values and it you also don’t know someone until you have witnessed them in a time of adversity.
8. You’re Lowering Your Standards to Compete If you are concerned that because there are “so many women” vying for the man you are interested in you must “compete” and do things, not within your value structure (like have sex earlier than planned), stop it. The moment you bend on your boundaries is the moment you begin to bully yourself.
9. You’re Adhering to Ultimatums Love is not selfish. Love doesn’t come with strings attached. If you have to give in to get him, get out.
10. Obsessing over “Your List.” Do you chase after preferences? (You know, like he must be 6-foot tall and have perfect teeth?) We all have preferences, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. The problem is when we don’t secure our needs first. These are what I call in my book, “your relationship vitals” (values, personality type, non-starters, and attraction traits) and become obsessed with them opposed to what’s on a list of frills. Are you guilty of any of these too? Search yourself ladies and let’s act right!
source: www.kamdora.com
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