Question for my Ladies

Ineffective Ways of Dealing with a Jealous Partner

Most people handle an overly jealous partner in ways which makes the problem worse.

When a partner is jealous they often behave in ways that are controlling, manipulative, invasive and overly needy . When partners behave this way, the natural response is to pull back, withdraw, and reassert one’s autonomy and independence, which in turn usually involves some secrecy and deception

For instance, if a boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife, calls ten times a day checking to see what you might be up to, the natural response is to avoid such calls, return them less frequently, and become secretive and evasive when answering such questions.

Again, it's normal to try to hide things from partners who are overly inquisitive or who deal poorly to the truth 

The problem with using secrecy and withdrawal to deal with a jealous partner is that such responses only create more anxiety on the part of the individual who is already suspicious and jealous. As a result, jealous individuals act in ways which are even more disruptive (i.e., more phone calls, snooping, invasive questions, pouting, and so forth).

Very quickly, the following pattern becomes the norm: jealous individuals become more jealous while their partners begin to hide and conceal more of their activities, thoughts, and feelings. Over time this pattern of behavior can become a source of conflict—pulling many couples even farther apart. And if this pattern is not broken, partners often turn to someone outside of their relationship for love and understanding.

How to Deal with a Jealous Lover

A better way to deal with an insecure and overly suspicious partner is to deal with his or her fears and anxieties directly.