Instead of accepting apology gifts, encourage your Sig O to talk to you when they've messed up. Also, as anyone who has received an gooey gooey “no reason” gift before knows, romantic gestures are really only romantic when they aren't compensating for anything. Sweet is the person who wants to dote on you just because you're boss, not because they got wasted at a Chili's and hit on the bartender in front of you.
Know what you’re apologizing for.
There are cute little sorry-I-ate-your-Kind-bar apologies. Then there are the more complex, brutal ones, like if you flirted with someone who was not your significant other. More than once. It’s worth considering: Why did you feel the need to turn elsewhere for attention and affection? If you don’t address the root of the issue, you can’t formulate an effective apology and allow both of you to begin healing. The upside is that this is a great excuse for self-reflection and growth. Furthermore, when you own up to the truth, such as your emotional or sexual needs not being fulfilled, you’re much more likely to be heard and find a way forward together.
Don’t apologize obsessively.
If the original apology comes from the heart, once should be enough. And if that doesn't satisfy your partner, the issue might be with him or her. Alternatively, if you’re being apologized to in a meaningful way, let the words sink in, and for your own sake, don’t drag it out. If it feels phoned in? Go for a run, wait until things calm down, then try a little teamwork talk. Start with something like, “You know, I’m still upset. Can we work together to find a better resolution?”
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